I don’t have the money to pay back the money That I borrowed to pay back the money that I borrowed to pay rent It’s all been spent And I don’t have a job because I’m going to school For the prerequisites to get into another school to get my degree So somebody will employ me But I can still pretend that things are fine I can travel back to a simpler time ‘Cause when reality sucks there’s a paradise In my mind, in my mind, in my mind, yeah, in my mind Everything is perfect ‘cause it’s 1997 And nothing bad has happened yet Nobody’s sad in 1997 And there’s no such thing as fear and regret By 1998, it’ll already be way too late Yeah, if I had my way I’d be livin’ in 1997 I don’t have a girlfriend ‘cause my standards are way too high To date anybody whose standards are low enough to date me Like, how desperate is she? And I don’t have kids ‘cause I’m just not ready And I won’t be ready ’til I’m old enough to regret not having them So I guess I’ll just wait ’til then But I don’t have to sit here and complain I can just escape to somewhere sane I can avoid hard decisions with the Utopian visions In my brain, in my brain, in my brain, yeah in my brain Nothing sucks at all because it’s 1997 And the whole wide world is still at peace Nobody died in 1997 There’s no wars, no murders, and no disease By 1998, we’ll all have already sealed our fate But all our sins are forgiven in 1997 Maybe I've got a selective memory Perhaps I romanticize the past arbitrarily Maybe my nostalgia negates my objectivity Maybe Orbitz Soda was just okay And Savage Garden's career was a big mistake But if this is the best that history has, I'll take it I'll take it 1, 2, 3, 4! There was no climate change in 1997 And barely any national debt Three years ’til Y2K and four ’til 9/11 We didn't know Tom Cruise was crazy yet By 1998, all we had left was darkness and hate The closest we'll ever get to heaven was 1997 The closest we'll ever get to heaven... was 1997

He's a hard-workin' man, workin' hard at his work Puts his heart in his work, but his work hardly pays him enough to get by In this economy He wakes up before dawn, every day of his life Workin' real late, comin' home after midnight He's never seen the sun He doesn't know what it looks like And he was born on the day the Church ran out of bibles He was born on the day the waterslide burned down He was born on the day the network cancelled According To Jim And he'll die on the day his heart stops beating, beating, beating Beatin' like a big-ass drum His blood runs thick like oil through an engine His heart's like an engine, and he's like a truck But he's not a truck, no matter how much he wishes he was He's got sweat on his back and grease in hair, blisters on his fingers and dust in his lungs Fire in his guts and a stain on his blue jeans, gunk in his eyes and a mouth full of cuss words Skin like plywood, balls full of Campbell's Chunky Soup And he loves his country And he was born on the day they tore down the TGI Friday's He was born on the day that all of the milk went bad He was born on the day that Facebook changed its newsfeed layout And he'll die on the day his heart stops beating, beating, beating, beating He was born on the day they burned the Pope for witchcraft He was born on the day the moon blew up He was born on the day before the day after Christmas Eve And he'll die on the day his heart stops beating, beating, beating Beating, beating, beating, beating Beatin' like a big-ass drum

It's not hard to see that you're bad for me You're like food that's high in trans fats and low in vitamin C You're like a non-laparoscopic late-stage appendectomy You're an unsafe operation, there's gonna be complications And I should just walk away from you, but, but I got a big dumb heart Pumping the blood to my big dumb head That's sending all the signals to my big dumb mouth To say all the big dumb words that I never should have said I got a big dumb heart Pumping the blood to my big dumb head That's sending all the signals to my big dumb mouth To say all the big dumb words that I never should have said If I'm print media, you're the next five years If I'm my own dignity then you're an embarrassingly small amount of beer If I'm a medium-sized meteorite then you're the atmosphere You're gonna burn me up, you're gonna break me down I should just turn around and run, but, but I got a big dumb heart Pumping the blood to my big dumb head That's sending all the signals to my big dumb mouth To say all the big dumb words that I never should have said I got a big dumb heart Pumping the blood to my big dumb head That's sending all the signals to my big dumb mouth To say all the big dumb words that I never should have said 'Cause you and me are like oil and water Or cats and dogs, or cats and birds Or cats and mice, or cats and children Or cats and most other cats What I'm trying to say is, we shouldn't mix And I gotta listen to my brain for a change Instead of always thinking with my... Big dumb heart Pumping the blood to my big dumb... head That's sending all the signals to my big dumb mouth To say all the big dumb words that I never should have said I got a big dumb heart Pumping the blood to my big dumb head That's sending all the signals to my big dumb mouth To say all the big dumb words that I never should have said

The prairie wind on the wheat fields Pushing the weathervane 'round And tossin' her hair into the shape of a fleur du lis Or a maple leaf A small town in southern Alberta That's where she died But the beavers had already gotten to the bodies By the time the RCMP arrived The Prime Minister had nothing to say Not in English, not even en Francais A loonie for my trouble and I'm on my way And for a toonie I might even make it back some day She was the prettiest girl in Pincher Creek Just doing the best that she could Like a strong female protagonist In a novella by Margaret Atwood She was a home-grown prairie cowgirl Kept her heels down in the stirrups She had eyes like Lake Ontario And blood... blood like maple syrup It all went down back in '67 And that was the last year the Leafs ever won the cup They had Dave Keon, Frank Mahovlich Bob Pulford, and little Ron Ellis Pete Stemkowski, George Armstrong Jim Pappin, Larry Jeffrey and John Brenneman Brian Conacher and Eddie Shack Mike Walton, Brit Selby and Brent Imlach Wayne Carleton, Dick Gamble Tim Horton, Red Kelly Larry Hillman, Marcel Pronovost, Kent Douglas Jim McKenny Allan Stanley, Johnny Bower Duane Rupp, Gary Smith Terry Sawchuk, Bruce Gamble Bob Baun and Al Smith Oh Al Smith... She was the prettiest girl in Pincher Creek Just doing the best that she could Like a strong female protagonist In a novella by Margaret Atwood She was a home-grown prairie cowgirl Kept her heels down in the stirrups She had eyes like Lake Ontario And blood... blood like maple syrup And if I saw her today... Oh, you know what I'd say... I'd say: "AUUUUUUGH!!!! HOLY FUCK I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!!!! AUUUUUUGH!!!! A GHOST!!!!!"

The door slams behind you Your footsteps getting fainter one by one And suddenly it hits me that this means We're really done And I can't help feeling Like I should be feeling Like, some pretty strong feelings But I'm not 'Cause it's like you ripped my heart out, but like Really gently, and with my permission And you took good care of it and then returned it to me In nearly mint condition And now that we're over I've been thinking it over If I could do it all over I wouldn't 'Cause breaking up Made a lot of sense, it was Best for us Under the circumstance, and it Hurts, but not that much And we're still sort of friends, 'cause Neither of us did anything that shitty... The house is so quiet I can Hear the echoes of my own heart beating And it's honestly kind of perfect 'cause I've been Really meaning to catch up on my reading So I order a pizza And I don't put mushrooms on the pizza ("Mushrooms are gross, Debra!") And then I eat the whole pizza To myself You had always said that you and me Were gonna be in love forever But that must not have been true because We are clearly no longer together So you must have been lying But you weren't really lying Because you didn't know you were lying At the time And breaking up Made a lot of sense, it was Best for us Under the circumstance, and it Hurts, but not that much And we're still sort of friends, 'cause Neither of us did anything that shitty... And even if I still think that you're pretty... We still have to live in the same city... So I won't throw away our friendship for A chance to look at titties Breaking up Made a lot of sense, it was Best for us Under the circumstance, and it Hurts, but not that much And we're still sort of friends, 'cause Neither of us did anything that shitty...

I wanna make myself a sandwich Pile it high with plenty of canned fish 'Til it stands taller than a hand's width I'm eatin' up your bandwidth Lookin' for a recipe for flan Which I'll have for dessert I'll eat the sandwich first And maybe like a pasta salad Off to the side And a bowl of soup to cleanse my palate And something fried Like an onion ring, or a chicken wing, or a veggie springroll I might just try to fry a living thing whole I'm so hungry I could eat a horse or a car Or a helicopter on its way to Isla Nublar And once I got there I could eat a clone of a dinosaur I could eat a raptor or Sam Jackson's severed arm Life, uh, finds a way to be delicious And amphibian genetic code is notably nutritious I am the perfect predator, I'm cunning and I'm vicious I'll eat everything in sight and when I'm done I'll eat the dishes I WANNA EAT EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING, ALL THE TIME I ate an all­-you­-can­-eat buffet out of business in seven days I ate so many Eggs­ Bennies my blood turned into Hollandaise I WANNA EAT EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING I get hungry in the middle of snacks I get panic attacks, if I run out of Jello pudding packs I order pizza to eat while I wait For the takeout I ordered from the Vietnamese buffet My appetite is like dynamite, detonating with such insatiable cravings I can't stop myself from salivating Concentrating constantly to keep my control 'Cause if I didn't I already would've swallowed you whole I'll never be full, I've come to accept this I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner for breakfast Lupper and brunch, even supfast and snunch, I'll eat 'em all and still be ready to munch I was designed to dine, constructed to consume I could eat the whole world and still have room I got a scientist to swap out all my organs and guts I got seventeen stomachs and eighteen butts I WANNA EAT EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING, ALL THE TIME I once ate a phonebook without even trying I eat, sleep and breathe food ­ doctors say I'm dying I WANNA EAT EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING, ALL THE TIME My esophagus leads to another dimension My internal anatomy defies comprehension I WANNA EAT EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING, ALL THE TIME I'm digging up info to blow off the lid On the secret fifth food group that the government hid I WANNA EAT EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING, ALL THE TIME And if the secret service hears what I said And I wind up dead... Bury me inside the food pyramid

I met a girl, we really connected And that's not even a euphemism We both like the films that David Fincher directed For their beauty and their cynicism She attempted to turn our conversation into flirtation and I I poured out my chai all over the table And threw my butter chicken wrap at her face 'Cause people are awful And feelings are bullshit No matter what we try to pretend, yeah People are awful And feelings are bullshit And I never wanna feel 'em again I had a friend, a friend who got married To a girl he loved 'cause she felt the same Asked me to be the best man, I said "I'd be honoured, Gary," Think I forgot to mention Gary's his name After the ceremony I grabbed the microphone and tapped it twice Then shat in my tux and sat on the wedding cake While screaming the lyrics to Gangsta's Paradise 'Cause people are awful And feelings are bullshit No matter what we try to pretend, yeah People are awful And feelings are bullshit And I never wanna feel 'em again Been spending most our lives living in a Gangsta's Paradise Been spending most our lives living in a Gangsta's Paradise Been spending most our lives living in a Gangsta's Paradise Been spending most our lives living in a Gangsta's Paradise

live inside a skeleton, wrapped in meat Stuffed with guts and all the stuff that guts excrete Churning full of chemicals and toxic gas Slowly going rotten as the decades pass And floating in my skull there is a big grey lump A pile of mush that runs this fucking garbage dump And everything I think and hope and dream and feel Is electricity in my brain and no one can explain how it works or if it's real My whole existence... is a nightmare, how bout yours? Being alive is weird as hell... but that doesn't matter because I like you, and you... You like me too, yeah the... The world is totally fucked up but you're okay I'm standing on a fireball that's been encased Inside a rock that's hurtling through outer space At like a million miles an hour as it whips around Another giant fireball and can't slow down And when that giant fireball explodes, we're screwed Our stupid rock will melt down into cosmic goo And everything that's ever been a thing will be erased But it doesn't matter 'cuz we'll have been dead for millenia already anyway This universe is... just a crapshoot, on the whole Everything everywhere is fucked... but that doesn't matter because I like you, and you... You like me too, yeah the... The world is totally fucked up but you're okay Some people try to find the meaning of life But that's the craziest thing you can do Because the meaning behind something as fucked up as life Would have to be pretty fucked up, too Some people think a wizard lives up in the sky And he looks after people after people die And also there's a monster underneath the dirt And his job is to trick us into being jerks But other people think that none of that exists And if you try to argue they get really pissed The only thing upon which they can all agree Is at the end of the day there's still nothing more crazy than Scientology People's opinions... are all stupid, and bizarre Believing in stuff is mostly crap... but that doesn't matter because I like you, and you... You like me too, yeah the... The world is totally fucked up, but you're okay