The Grandma EP

by Success 5000

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released May 20, 2016


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Success 5000 Edmonton, Alberta

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Track Name: Grandma
Grandma's kind and Grandma's sweet
And Grandma's also a racist
Grandma bakes you tasty treats
And Grandma's also a racist
Grandma will always be there for you
When you're feeling sad and blue
But Grandma also hates blacks and Jews
'Cuz she's a fucking racist

Grandma's on your Facebook feed
And Grandma's also a racist
Grandma's reposting Minions memes
And Grandma's also a racist
Grandma wants to make it clear
That Sharia Law isn't welcome here
It's an absolutely unfounded fear
And she's a fucking racist

Grandma goes to church on Sunday
And Grandma's also a racist
Grandma's going to heaven one day
But she's stil totally racist
Doesn't it seem slightly odd
That Grandma's so pious and yet so flawed?
Praying away to her racist God
They're both fucking racist

Grandma grew up in a different time
And that's why Grandma's a racist
What's offensive now used to seem just fine
But that doesn't make it not racist
Considering all the bullshit that she's been taught
Grandma's a model of progressive thought
But while some things are relative, racism's not
And she's a fucking racist

Stop calling them "darkies," Grandma
That's not okay
And while we're at it, please stop
Complaing about "the gays"
This isn't a complex issue, there's no shades of grey
Just don't be shitty to someone based on something
That doesn't affect you at all...

Grandma's a person, and people aren't perfect
Sometimes people are racist
It's easy to act like a person is worthless
But we're all a little bit racist
Grandma's lived an amazing life
And faced all sorts of impossible strife
She was a caring mother and a devote wife
And any assault on her character is totally baseless...
...except pointing out how she's a fucking racist
Track Name: Doo-wop
Let me tell you 'bout the woman I'm in love with
She's the type of pretty you'd compare the stars above with
All around the world, there's nobody else I'd pick
Yeah, she's the only one who gets me horny in the dick

I try to fall asleep at night, but my baby's got me wired
I know I need my beauty rest, but my boner isn't tired
I've tried warm milk and counting sheep, but nothing does the trick
In the morning I'm still wide awake and horny in the dick

I know it's silly to obsess the way I do
But I can't help but wonder if she gets horny for me, too

I went to see the doctor, said "You gotta fix this junk!
My heartbeat's beating doubletime, my brain's all full of gunk!"
The doc said "I can't help you, son, 'cuz you ain't even sick,
You've got a chronic case of being horny in the dick."
(OR: No one's found a cure for being horny in the dick)

I went to the churchhouse, got down on my knees and prayed
"Oh Baby Jesus, if you pleases, won't you take these blues away?"
A preacher man walked up and said "Hey kid, what are you, thick?
Jesus doesn't love you if you're horny in the dick."

My mama taught me to show everyone respect
And that's why I haven't told my honey that I got a big chubby and I'm horny as heck

Oh my darling, I'm so in love with you
It's got me so horned up, I don't know what to do
But if you feel the same, by some great stroke of luck
I'll take your hand in marriage, so that God has to let us fuck

You got me, you got me horny in the dick, baby
You got me, you got me horny in the dick
You got me, you got me horny in the dick, baby
You got me, you got me horny in the dick