I was a child
A long time ago
Twenty years or so
I got a new hairstyle
It was a mushroom cut
Looked like a mushroom, but
It was hair
And I was very excited
But all the other kids
Made fun of it
I wasn't aware
TigerBeat had decided
That my cut stopped being
Popular in '92

And I cried the whole way home
I collapsed like a ton of bricks
But my mom cheered me up quick
It wasn't hard... she did it all with

One Weird Trick
Discovered by a mom
Kept secret all this time
One Weird Trick
Fixes everything that's wrong
For less than $7.99

I was successful
A young up-start, twenty-something
Hotshot on my way to the top
And though the workload was stressful
I had my one weird trick
To save me when the bottom dropped
I was the youngest CFO in company history
But as I moved along
I never forgot my Mom
Because she gave all this to me
When she showed me her

One Weird Trick
That's got all the doctors mad
And the linguists really peeved
One Weird Trick
There's so many imitators
But don't ever let yourself be deceived

I'm sorry I can't talk for long
They're coming to find me
The FBI, they want my method for themselves
That damn Obama wants to socialize my secret
But they'll all surely burn in hell
Before I'll tell
Anybody my

One Weird Trick
It isn't theirs to steal
I'll take it to my grave
One Weird Trick
Only 90's kids will really
Get it, but that's okay
One Weird Trick
To trim your belly fat
And add it to your penis
One Weird Trick
For financial independence
Not to mention telekinesis